Criticism is defined as the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes. Criticism can come in many different forms:

• Comment
• Look
• Sigh
• Silence

It is human nature to want to be a "critic" and we are all capable of giving out criticism to others ... it is much more difficult to be on the receiving end of criticism. You do not like to be criticized and when it is given in a harsh, hostile manner it can become a traumatic blow to your being or sense of self. Criticism can be justified or not. Poorly handled and overly emotional response to criticism can rip away at your very being--destroying your self-esteem, confidence and increasing self-doubt.

It has been found that people who handle criticism well are simply employing a range of lifeskills that automatically take the power out of the critical statement. They remain calmer, are able to stay in the moment and "think" without reacting. As a result they find they have to alternatives:

1. Realizing that the criticism is valid and deserved, thus deciding to act accordingly in a healthy manner.
2. Realizing that the criticism is unjustified, thus choosing to ignore it.

Criticism as a LifeSkill: Criticism can be a valuable personal development tool--the golden nugget of criticism. Your attitude needs to be one that if someone says something. It is not always an indicator that it carries any value. It may simply be a reflection of the person making the criticism. No matter whether the critical statement is valid or invalid, allow yourself to learn from the criticism. It can allow you to build your confidence, increase your growth and mastery, and give you insight to yourself, others, or a situation. The actress Helen Hayes says, "I like criticism. It's the only way to grow."

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One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities
and undertake the most interesting game in the world, making the most of one's best.

~Harry Emercon Fosdick

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Turning Criticism from Foe to Friend

1. What critical statement/gesture did you receive?
2. How qualified was the person in giving the criticism?
   Rate from 1 to 10: 1 (not qualified to 10 (very qualified)
3. What was the motive from the criticism?
   Rate from 1 to 10: 1 (selfishness, jealousy, retaliation) to 10 (love, concern)
4. What was the manner in which the criticism was given?
   Rate from 1 to 10: 1 (irritating, hurtful, abusive) to 10 (calming, caring, sincere)
5. Total (1 to 30) __________

Golden Nugget ... the truths that can be drawn from the criticism can help you to learn and grow. The larger the number the more you have to learn -- anything below 15 -- let it go, usually having to do more about the other person. However, no matter whether the critical statement/gesture is valid or invalid, allow yourself to learn from the criticism. It can allow you to build your confidence, increase your growth and mastery, and give you insight into yourself, others, or a situation.

• What are you learning? What is your Golden Nugget in this situation?

Other questions to ask yourself:

1. How did you respond to the criticism?
2. Why did you respond the way you did?
3. How could you have responded that would have been better for you, for your growth, and for your relationship with the person who criticized you?
4. Action Plan: Write down the best ways you believe you could respond to criticism in the future.

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No matter what you say or do to me I am still a worthwhile person.

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Sources:
(1) Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Learning to Love Yourself by Jody L Friesen Grande
(2) Learn to Handle Criticism Like the Pros at www.hypnosisdownloads.com
(3) Receiving criticism with Confidence at www.encyclopedia